Why does it hurt?

Why does it hurt?
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I was born thousands miles away from the Middle East, in some small South Pacific islands where I was raised until my Baccalauréat. I do not recall discussing topics on Israel/Palestine growing up with my beloved family and anyone else. I am not Jewish, I am not Muslim, I am not Israeli, I am not Palestinian. I had zero idea about anything, as so sheltered in my far away tropical bubble…And because I had no clue, I also had no subjective personal bias, and this would become my asset for dialogue.
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So if I am so far away from this region, why what we are witnessing currently hurts so much, why does it hit home?
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Because that land eventually became my home.
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In 2008, I was offered a UN position to work in Jerusalem, West Bank & Gaza, to work on public health issues (my professional background). For some reason, I felt called to accept the offer. Even if I still had not much clue, I felt called.
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This region was maybe new to me, but I was not new in working in public health in complex settings.
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I knew my public health objectives, and I had to focus on these, that’s all. The rest would be for the experts. As UN staff, we are to stay neutral, are used to work diplomatically, have a strong sense of dialogue and most of us are able to build bridges for common humanitarian goods. At least that’s in theory. I was not there to deal with politics which I could not fully comprehend anyway.
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Fast forward, 4 years later: I had lived in Jerusalem, lived in Israel, worked & toured all over Gaza and the West Bank, met hundreds of people, tried to work despite the challenges of politics interfering even in health work, went to all kinds of conferences, read books, had hopes in any attempt for peace negotiations especially when Obama got his peace Nobel prize in 2009, despaired at the rampant occupation in the West Bank I was personally witnessing eating on clearly well defined Palestinian land defined by the International Law, had anger each time I was able to enter into Gaza (upon permission by Israel) to work with my UN colleagues and see on the ground the reality of people’s lives and what we were trying to do.
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I was petrified at so many surreal and painful situations. It was the best and the worst time of my Life, at the same time.
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So, this “story and situation” have become personal to me. They are actually now part of my own story.
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And it hurts. It hurts so badly to see so much suffering without being able to do anything to stop it and i would love to trust that peace is around the corner for everyone to be happy, but I would lie at my illusion, peace is not around the corner.
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In 2012, I left. Burned out. And it took me years to recover, in any sense of the word “recovery”.
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Why this story has become Universal to many? It seems that the loss of Humanity and Universal values as our foundation of collective living is the heart of the pain.
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This story is becoming everyone’s story.
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This is the failure of international codes & standards as framed in International and Humanitarian engagement which are applicable to all countries. We are back to what we say in French “la loi du plus fort”….and the UN was created exactly to avoid that. And the UN is failing too, powerless.
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The impossibility of civilians to escape which usually is possible in all conflicts, the disproportionate use of violence, the collective punition as retaliation for horrific atrocities, the double standards, the close to impossible humanitarian assistance to help civilians survive with basic support, the deaths of thousands and among them half are children, etc. Surely there are other ways to “punish” the perpetrators of the 7 October massacre, than the killing of thousands of innocent civilians in a siege location.
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All our cherished Universal values seem out of the window, and any prospect of peace and freedom for all seems like utopia.
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Humanity is bleeding. And many of us are bleeding the loss of Humanity. Whoever you are, I feel you.
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As a peace activist and as a Humanist, I will continue trying to hope (i write “try”) that Humanity will eventually prevail, despite politics, religion or whatever. But maybe I won’t be alive to witness it i start feeling.
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We are all the same, human beings on this Earth for tiny while. Right now, many have forgotten. What we can do? Keep screaming for such remembrance and demand peace, for all, yes for all.
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If there is a God (and few brave politicians!) please help us come out of darkness to Light.
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Lovingly, in rage.